artist/band: The Civil Wars
telly on: on everything Josh Hutcherson
soundtrack: Summer House - Gold Motel
flick: Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)
book: Star Girl - Jerry Spinelli


"The fool looks at a finger that points to the sky."

- Amelie





You know I love you, don't be a fool.

Kira de Ocampo. Singer-Songwriter. Creative Writing student in UP Diliman. I am basically a grandma inside a 21-year-old body.



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We wake the dead, the Steadfast and I
and hang drenched souls spiffy and dry
along clotheshorses, waving undone
fancy fluttering fringes in the sun.

A little touch: the cheek, the bone
arrests the bloated heart of stone
and from the grave rises again
and from the dead now knows no end.

But baffled by the newness of light,
he finds the Steadfast strangest of sight
upon this he asks, with weary voice
“Who is he that wakes with no noise?”

The Steadfast answers, “It is I, you see,
I come to carry you home with me.
Life is more imminent than death,
so come, little grinner, as you know best.”

And we pick the worms from the grinner’s ear,
dust his coat and flick away his tears.
When his dreams are pieced back and dry,
he wrestles a question of who and why.

At this, my master heaves a sigh
but smiles and tells the grinner and I:
“From the grave I rose again,
now from the dead you’ll know no end.”


-- Kira de Ocampo 0 comments back to top?

It’s funny how people put their hope on certain things and can bet all their money and sanity that these things will never, in all eternity, bring them down. People trust people. They trust their own funny hidden talents. They trust in their mothers or their cats, or their favorite TV commercials, or Google, or their religion or their not having any belief whatsoever, or their friends that are ninety-five percent more than friends. And it is always too late for them to see that nothing is ever permanent and even permanent markers fade when you put them in the wash once or twice. Nothing is ever bulletproof or scratch- or lint-free. In the end we all die, all of us, and the things we’ve been holding on to all our lives will die, too (perhaps not all together with us, but at one point in the sun, which in turn, is also doomed to die.) That doesn’t sound like a very happy thing to say. So, where on earth does that leave you?

I’d say. But here’s what people should do. What they should do, they should bet on something beyond this world—all of the things we see with the naked eye or with the microscope that helps us see little things or with the telescope that helps us see the universe. Let’s see. This Steadfast cannot even be visible. That will be too predictable. So this Steadfast cannot even be contained into a being if it refuses to.

But guess what, this Steadfast chose to and just did. And he put on some human skin and he came down from all his magnificence and he stuck himself on a cross. And he looked around, and at that millisecond, he looked into your eyes even if you’re lightyears apart. He saw you at that moment and he sees you right now, and he’s telling you, “Put your bet on me. Heck, put your whole life on me.

I’ll keep you, you’ll see if I don’t. You’ll never have to invest on crummy things that will eventually disappear in thin air because I never will. I am never saying abracadabra. I’m here, and I’ll keep watch. I won’t even sleep, just so I can watch you and see how you’re doing and all that. I’m here, I’m telling you. I have always been, and I always, with the entire universe and my love for you combined, will.”

And you’d think it funny, and you’d think, how in the world is that even possible? But let me tell you it actually is. It is, when he said, “It’s done. It’s finish,” and he breathed his last human breath.

Now wait a second, you’d say. You’re telling me he died? I thought we’re just—

Yeah. Because he had to. For you. But you know what he did next? He rose again. He freaking rose again, can you believe that? He died and lived again, which means he defeated death, impermanence, and all that crap you’ve been complaining about. He supersedes everything, even superglue. He’s more faithful than the morning. Isn’t that just marvelous?

Uh-huh. You should probably give him a high-five and all, on account that when you bet all the stuff in your pockets and your past and your dreams---your whole life on him, you’ll never lose.

You’ll be surprise to even gain something. And I’m telling you, that’s a deal you can’t even, you won’t even turn down. 0 comments back to top?

For the past few years of my life, I felt like absolute crap. It was such a dry season, with everything that’s going on with our family, and my studies and all. So I would wake up every morning just to survive the next, because, really, I didn’t know what God wants with my life anymore and why he’s still keeping me alive.



But, see, for all the tragic summers that I’ve been through, this summer completely made a whole lot of difference. For all these years that I’ve been asking God, “Hey, are you really there?”, he has finally revealed himself to me in a special way. I have experienced this infallible freedom like never before.



Down on my knees, God reminded me of his great encompassing love. That he sent his one and only son, Jesus, to die on the cross for my loneliness. That he loves me even if I generally suck at life. And that none of my insipid scars could ever make him love me less.



I asked him a big WHY. Why, Lord? Why me? After all I’ve tweeted about my selfishness, and all that I’ve done to make you wince. Why would you still keep me in your palms, and never throw me away?



So he pointed me to the cross, and asked me back, “Do you really have to know why?” He said, “Don’t you see? I took it all. I took all the things you’ve done in the past, all the things that you’re doing now, and all the things that you’ll ever do in the future. And like a bitter pill, I swallowed them all in one single gulp and nailed them on the cross with me. So you’ll never have to feel empty, sad, or lonely. Don’t you see? I love you just because.”



And he reminded me of this song, it says,

Chains be broken.

Lives, be healed.

Eyes, be open.

Christ is revealed.



God has broken my chains—all the things that are holding me back from worshiping him freely. He's telling me, “Sin has no power to condemn you or tell you you’re a loser, because, hey, I already won the war for you.” And because of that, I can let go of all of my issues and insecurities, forget what lies behind, and focus on him alone. Nothing else matters. Nothing else will ever do.



You know what? I will never know why. Why he has set me apart, and has given me an opportunity to seek him all the days of my life. Why he has given me a chance to attend the greatest IGNITE campus conference I’ve ever been to and be so fired up to go back to my campus to be a living vessel/Toki jeepney to bring the students of UP Diliman back to him.



I will never know why. But he will always, always be enough.





Isaiah 43:1 “But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you… who formed you…: ‘Don’t be afraid, I have redeemed you; I have called your name. YOU ARE MINE 4 …because I love you.” 1 comments back to top?

1. I am such a cowgirl, but I once dreamed of becoming a ballerina.

2. I'd like to marry a guy who looks like John Estrada and Richard Gomez.

Uhm, yeah, maybe not...

3. I will name my future pet rabbit Olivia.

4. My coffee should only as hot as it is heated at exactly 30 seconds.

5. I wish I could go back in time to sucker punch my teenage 14 year old self and tell her nothing will happen in six years.

6. I enjoy washing the dishes.

7. I look Chinese on my driver's license. 

8. I write when I am out of order.

9. I like listening to Barbershop quartets.

10. Jesus loves me this I know.

 

 

 

FIN.

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0 comments back to top?

Sometimes, it's just so hard to be a girl. Sometimes you think about that 50-50 percent chance of you being a dude instead, but you missed it. By jove, you just missed it.

Sometimes, horrible things happen like falling pancakes from the sky. You just sit there and you watch pancake rain fall on everything and everybody. And because you forgot your umbrella, there's just nothing else to do but to wait for the world to rain something else.

Sometimes, you memorize names like you think they memorize yours. But a special pop quiz is given, and you find out. Hey. Memorizing means nothing at all.

Sometimes, you look for things under your bed and in the inner corners of your closet, and you find things that takes you to a ride in a time machine. And you not only wish time machines were true, you wish they could help you undo things.

Sometimes, you look at the world. And then you see nothing.

And sometimes, when you send letters to the void, you realize, there's somebody out there after all. 0 comments back to top?

I was already falling asleep in the middle of Biology class, and all of a sudden, our professor asked us that very instant to write a poem on what we think about "Life".

I thought she was kidding. But then it was for real because freshmen people are pulling out their handy dandy yellow pad paper, and we're actually writing poetry on a science subject. So all groggy, I took my pen, and this is what came up:


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My younger brother Tj, when he was about five, asked Dad to buy him one of those robodogs he saw on TV. Tj had asthma (he's fine now, but/) so we weren't really supposed to keep any kind of furry pet, which is pretty boring growing up. And since the cold metal robodog technically isn't a ball of allergy (plus, he cried like a perpetual baby), Dad got him one.

It wasn't really as cool as the one he saw on TV. That one's really cool, it can bark and play fetch and dig holes for you (I think), but ours... well, it barked forever and jerked a little. But Tj was so happy he finally got a pet to watch over and love. And everytime it barks in a special way, he'd hold it in his heart and feel the metal springs close to his asthmatic chest and know that certain kind of happiness only a robotic dog could give him.

Okay, so maybe I overacted, but he did think it was the coolest thing ever. Until he got older and got brand new toys, he forgot all about robodog. So one day, it crashed and we dumped it somewhere and couldn't find it anymore when we moved houses away.

And the robodog was such a perfect substitute pet for a kid like my brother. But it was cold, and it couldn't obey and love back a master as Tj because inside it were made of metal too. It could give him happiness, but only for a short while, until he gets tired of it and when cool new Megaman things come around. That dog couldn't replace a real man's best friend.

I guess in some ways, people will always look for that special something to make them happy. Sometimes they end up digging for other things: an indoor swimming pool, a room full of squirrels, Owen Wilson... To make them feel all gushy loved and accepted inside. And because none of these things can truly give them that happiness, they end up miserable fetus inside a bitter box.

But see, there's no substitution for the substitution Jesus did on that cross when you and I are supposed to be up there facing all the painful things he put up with for you and me. He became sin when not a hint of sin could be xray found in his bones (2 Corinthians 5:21). But he did that because he hopes you could experience that everlasting and true joy, acceptance, and love that can only be found in him.

1 John 4:10: This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

You can't find a substitute for a Substitute as awesome as that. 0 comments back to top?

Butterflies!
Ferociously fluttering.
One, two, three, four
too many butterflies
in my
stomach. 0 comments back to top?

Solomon's Song of Songs is romantic in epic proportions. Sometimes, I smell sarcasm over that, but nothing is ever lovelier than a man humbly in love with a lady and knightly wooing her through way of love songs.

Maybe I tend to be a little cynic when I talk about it. Basically, while all good men are married, some of them do not even deserve the "gentleman" badge because I don't think a guy would still open and hold the door for you or carry your books for you to the fifth floor. One time even, I was entering the school library and this dude cut me off, and I was like, "Wow."

I'm cynic, because a part of me still believes that somehow, that somebody is out there. Somebody who would sweep me off my feet and carry me away and I would totally not find that creepy at all. Somebody to yell at over petty things and hold close at the end of an impossible day; to watch FRIENDS with and to agree over disagreements: Ross or Joey?

I'm only twenty, but someday, when the perfect time comes, I'm gonna meet this guy at the end of the aisle, and he's gonna smile back at me the way I've always imagined he would.

He's gonna be:

1. a man after God's own heart. Who loves God more than anything. More than he'll ever love me.

2. family-oriented. Who honors and looks up to his dad. Adores his mom. Loves his siblings dearly.

3. a dreamer who has a great goal and focus in mind, and perseveres to attain it. Knows the value of work and diligence.

4. smart and funny. Knows how to carry on a good, meaningful conversation. Who loves to listen and learn new things and can tell the corniest joke ever alive, and still make me develop washboard abs just by laughing.

5. a music buff, and a HUGE one at that. Who can sing and play an instrument or two. Loves the oldies and the Beatles. And picks Hanson over the Moffats.

6. someone who has a big, swelling heart with compassion for people. Respects the waiter or the manong guard.

7. who loves kids. Sure to be the greatest, most awesome dad of my--our--kids.

8. who isn't stuck in an immature emo, hiphop type of scene. Abhors Nike refrigerator Supra shoes. Dresses well and respectably. Looks good in a white T-shirt.

9. The most gorgeous guy I'll ever meet in my entire life and he doesn't even have to work on it. Has the perfect smile to send the tingles in my spine.

10. Even if his breath painfully stinks in the morning, he knows how to make me feel the most blessed girl in the whole wide world, just waking up everyday beside him.


I know what they say about checklists and men not supposed to go together, but if I know what's perfect for myself, then how much more perfect can the guy God has for me be? I can't wait to meet him. Until then,

"Do not awaken love
until it so desires."
- Song of Songs 3:5 2 comments back to top?