5.31.2011 @ 11:42:00 AM
For the past few years of my life, I felt like absolute crap. It was such a dry season, with everything that’s going on with our family, and my studies and all. So I would wake up every morning just to survive the next, because, really, I didn’t know what God wants with my life anymore and why he’s still keeping me alive.
But, see, for all the tragic summers that I’ve been through, this summer completely made a whole lot of difference. For all these years that I’ve been asking God, “Hey, are you really there?”, he has finally revealed himself to me in a special way. I have experienced this infallible freedom
like never before.
Down on my knees, God reminded me of his great encompassing love
. That he sent his one and only son, Jesus, to die on the cross for my loneliness. That he loves me even if I generally suck at life. And that none of my insipid scars could ever make him love me less.
I asked him a big WHY. Why, Lord? Why me? After all I’ve tweeted about my selfishness, and all that I’ve done to make you wince. Why would you still keep me in your palms, and never throw me away?
So he pointed me to the cross, and asked me back, “Do you really have to know why?” He said, “Don’t you see? I took it all. I took all the things you’ve done in the past, all the things that you’re doing now, and all the things that you’ll ever do in the future. And like a bitter pill, I swallowed them all in one single gulp and nailed them on the cross with me. So you’ll never have to feel empty, sad, or lonely. Don’t you see? I love you just because
And he reminded me of this song, it says,Chains be broken.
Lives, be healed.
Eyes, be open.
Christ is revealed.
God has broken my chains—all the things that are holding me back from worshiping him freely. He's telling me, “Sin has no power to condemn you or tell you you’re a loser, because, hey, I already won
the war for you.” And because of that, I can let go of all of my issues and insecurities, forget what lies behind, and focus on him alone. Nothing else matters. Nothing else will ever do.
You know what? I will never know why. Why he has set me apart, and has given me an opportunity to seek him all the days of my life. Why he has given me a chance to attend the greatest IGNITE campus conference I’ve ever been to and be so fired up to go back to my campus to be a living vessel/Toki jeepney to bring the students of UP Diliman back to him.
I will never know why. But he will always, always
Isaiah 43:1 “But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you… who formed you…: ‘Don’t be afraid, I have redeemed you; I have called your name. YOU ARE MINE 4 …because I love you.”
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